


The First and the Last

by Crimbob



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Mention of misgendering, Multi, Pansexual Remus, Trans Sirius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 02:36:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimbob/pseuds/Crimbob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin has many crushes. But in the end, only one matters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First and the Last

Remus was different. As cliché as he knew that had sounded, he had grown up feeling different.

And not only because once a month he turned into something so terrifying, so absolutely horrific, that his own father could barely look at him.

But he felt different in another way too. When everyone else at the age of eleven began noticing the opposite gender, Remus began, well, noticing every gender. And as he got older, and went to Hogwarts, it moved from just the boys and girls that the primary school had told him about, to well, anyone. He noticed how Marlene McKinnon was brilliantly attractive, no matter how they chose to look, and Remus spent a lot of his first and second year trying to work up the courage to ask them out. But they graduated, and Remus was left behind, never to pursue his first true crush.

Next was, of all things, a Slytherin. Although Remus had felt alright about his crush on Marley – let’s face it, a lot of the student population had one – his crush on Lucius Malfoy, while fleeting, lasting only a few months of third year, caused him so much internal conflict that the feelings of confusion and house loyalty and all that other stuff eventually destroyed his feelings. And that was the end of that.

Remus came out to Sirius, James and Peter in fourth year, near the end if he remembers correctly. Sirius took it well. Probably had no right to be upset, seeing as he had crashed his way into the dorm first day, first term, first year, and demanded that they all celebrate the fact that the stairs had refused to let him up into the girls’ dorm, meaning that he really was meant to be a boy and the stairs knew it. Everyone just stared at him oddly. Stairs don’t know things. Remus just admired the way the hair fell in his eyes, and decided that he wouldn’t mind Hogwarts too much after all.

James didn’t give a fuck as long as Remus didn’t go after lovely Lily. Remus knew that they were just holding off until James’ head deflated.

Peter took a while to get used to it. But Peter has always been like that. It made it awkward when Sirius occasionally cried a little how much he hated his parents’ insistence on his being female, or when Remus was caught accidentally staring at the arse of the brilliantly androgynous Sam Wilkins, a seventh-year Hufflepuff.

But Peter got over it. He had to.

The next crush came in the form of Sam Wilkins’ younger brother, William, who was in the year above them, in seventh year at the time when it developed. And this time, it was more than a crush. The fantastic-looking, better-than-life, amazing-arsed William Wilkins was his first boyfriend.

It was around this time that Sirius began getting really grumpy. He left home, moved in with James, and Remus just attributed it to that.

He and William were happy, really. But Remus couldn’t help noticing how much Sirius being grumpy and ignoring him pained him, and how much he just wanted to make it all stop. But William was rather good at distracting him.

After William left school, he also left Remus, and their blossoming relationship, behind. Sirius snapped out of it, and his three best friends counselled him through, just like any good best friends would do.

It was on the second last Monday of the second last term of the last year when Remus came to a revelation.

It was Sirius. It was always freaking Sirius Black.

And so right then and there, even though Sirius was in the middle of charms and Remus was halfway through dressing, and had no shoes on, he went and found Sirius Black, called him and idiot, and snogged him.

Remus could’ve sworn he heard Flitwick mumble “finally”, before telling Remus to stop, and he can speak to Mr Black after class if it’s that urgent.

Sirius just smiled into the kiss and asked what took so long.

Remus just told him to shut up, and kissed him again.

Sirius Black was the first and last crush Remus Lupin ever had.

And he was the best.


End file.
